Beowulf

This story has been done countless times before. It's a great story, don't get me wrong, but it hasn't been done justice on film. This epic tale has yet to be epic, and it doesn't look like it will any time soon. The tale needs to be salvaged on screen, as it's fallen short so many times, so hopefully this one will come close. There's one hitch that will turn a lot of people off, including me, big time, but it's got a lot going for it as well, so maybe it will turn out ok. The movie is called Beowulf, and in a very simplified description, the story is about a warrior that must defend his kingdom from a monster that has been terrorizing towns. I'm sure everyone read this story in high school, and if you didn't, you should. It's amazing to read, and hopefully this time, will be as amazing to watch. It's slated to come out in November of 2007.

There's one specific reason why I think this has a slight chance to succeed: the cast. It has a pretty long list of pretty big names that provide some hope. First of all, we've got Robert Zemeckis directing it. You know how I am about directors, and this movie looks to have gotten a pretty good one. Zemeckis did all 3 Back to the Future movies, as well as Forrest Gump, and most recently (of note), Cast Away. Say what you want about those movies, but they all were well directed, and all fun to watch. He's one of those directors that, no matter what movie he makes, you can tell he enjoys himself.

Now, the acting is also very strong. Just check out this list: Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Angelina Jolie, Robin Wright Penn, Crispin Glover (would have made a good Joker in my opinion), and Brendan Gleeson (Mad Eye Moody from Harry Potter). These are big names, and even better than that, really good actors. Now, you don't have to be in big time movies to be a great actor, but all these people are convincing in everything they do. I'm not sure there has been one person in the audience of ANY John Malkovich movie that has ever not believed his character. He is, of course, a big time actor, so bad example, but it's true. I'm always impressed with the actors who are in big movies, yet, like John Malkovich, always offer a fresh performance (my personal favorite John Malkovich performance is, and most likely always will be, Teddy KGB from Rounders). The kind of actor that never reminds you of the character they were in the last movie they did. The crime that is most noticeably committed by Vince Vaughn, who I'm really getting sick of now. He's never been able to shake that Old School character, and it's getting old fast. He needs to watch Swingers again. Anyways back to this movie.

All of that being said, here's the part of this "preview" that will flip your opinion of this movie totally upside down: it's going to be animated. Yep, I know, what the hell are they doing? I am really clueless about this choice also. Animated, this movie, no way, straight into the toilet with all the rest of the Beowulf movies (and lots of animated movies too). So, I've led you to believe that the directing is good (which it still may be) and the acting is good. When I say acting though, I mean it. I realize it's an animated movie, so you would think that any "acting" that would be done would be vocal. Wrong. Zemeckis is using the same motion-capture technology that he used in The Polar Express, so that means the actors will be acting almost every scene out in funny little suits, and then their movements will be transformed into animation. It will also be realeased in IMAX, so I'm sure some 3D will be worked in there too.

Now, the commentary. I think this is a HORRIBLE idea. I think Hollywood needs to get over this shitty little animation phase its in, because it sucks! The Polar Express sucked, and all these other movies that think any animated movie is a good animated movie are dead wrong and I'm getting tired of them. Doing my best Bill Maher impression, here's my New Rule: If your name isn't Pixar, you're never allowed to touch a marker again. Instead of making bad animated movies that bomb at the box office, why not just buy those lucky 1300 people who go see it a gun and let them get it over with now? Ok, so that may be a little over the top, but seriously, the only movie studio that has good animated movies is Disney-Pixar. They have been so good so consistantly that they've created a trend in the industry, and now everyone is putting out animated junkers. Even Steven Spielberg is getting in on it, although I heard Monster House wasn't terrible.

You know, you can get a cast made up entirely of Oscar winners, and it still won't rescue a bad plot of an animated movie. These movies are 100% plot driven, only partially aided by the beauty of the animation itself, but if you have a bad script, the movie will die, and that's what I'm afraid of with Beowulf. As the release date gets closer, and more information comes out, I pray that I am wrong about this. I want to see the tale of Beowulf, one of the oldest in the history of written words, succeed as much as the next guy, but I just don't think this is the way to do it. If you're going to give it a chance, at least make it live action. I think an edited version of Dragonheart would be better than an animated original, and that movie was terrible.

I guess I'll have to wait and see what comes of this thing, but if it's anything like The Polar Express, I think I'll wait for it to come to TNT. Pity.